restlessness...

I hate not being able to sleep... I went to bed with the idea in mind that I would wake up at 8am. Get up. Take a shower. Read my Bible. And actually do something with my day. But no! 2 o'clock... 4 o'clock... 6? Needless to say I shut off my alarm only to wake up with a bloody migrane. Anyway... One thing about not sleeping is your mind wanders. You think about crazy things! Sometimes too crazy that you, the thinking, don't even understand. However, I did realize something about myself last night. (or rather early this morning.) I need to be needed. I mean, when a friend is going through a hard time in there life... I find fullfillment. I feel complete. Not because of the hard time. But because they need me. (in a round about way) They call at all hours. Need to meet up to talk. I mean hard times are always better when you have a friend present to help you through them... am I right!? And I am always ready to be there for whatever is going on. However I have found that once they have pushed through this hard time and things get better... they don't need me anymore. I don't hear from them as offten. They don't share there lives as fully. And I begin to feel empty again. Now I don't have the answer to my problem here... but as I was thinking about this I began to realize that this is exactly how we treat God. And I began to wonder if he feels somewhat the same as I do? I mean obviously God know's He is needed and doesn't need us to need Him to feel complete. But it seems when we have a trial then it is when we seek God. We pray like never before... and then when we've gotten through it, we put God back on the shelf untill we need him again. Anyway. Dinner is ready and so I am off. But again, I just wanted to throw it out there...

Message In a Bottle

Do you ever get that feeling where you want to throw something out there... But you don't really care if anyone finds it? I mean... you could say it to yourself. Or you could write it in your journal. But that's just not enough. It needs to go... It needs to be sent out to the great unknown. And maybe someone will find it. But how exciting that they would have the same wonder and amazement as you, the sender. What is the person feeling? why did they send this out? Sometimes I wish I could be the message. Put me in a bottle, throw me in the ocean, and let us see where I end up. Not literally of course... But why not!? I so just want to go out to the great unknown. Not knowing what waves might come. What storms might blow. Just waiting to see. But really I guess that is how life is anyway. We are a message sent out. We have a message... but are we keeping it in the bottle? Or are we opening up and sharing what is inside? This is all a little crazy and random I suppose. But I guess... I just wanted to throw it out there...

I may not know what God is doing in my life right now-
But I know He loves me.